It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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