I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize