suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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