This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
