my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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