Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
