Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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