I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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