I'm jealous of your bromance
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
