He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
