do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We left the knife in your bed.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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