So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
