I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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