That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
