I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
