Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
