i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
