Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
