She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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