I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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