New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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