Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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