just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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