i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
