he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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