why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
