So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Alive.
So much puke
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
