Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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