He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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