I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We don't watch enough power rangers
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
