don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
