A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize