DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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