Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

Got a toothbrush?

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(480): View more from Arizona

just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah

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(616): View more from Michigan

Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.

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(804): View more from Virginia

she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

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(313): View more from Michigan

tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve

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(513): View more from Ohio

I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.

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(757): View more from Virginia

It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier

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(630): View more from Illinois

3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....

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