im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
