My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
