i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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