wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
