im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you had me at cake vodka
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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