I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
