I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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