I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
