Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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