OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
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