I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We don't watch enough power rangers
You pole danced in your parka.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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