I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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