I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
