Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
