were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
