well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
