That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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