the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
