Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
