Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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