I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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