Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
