Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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