Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
