I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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