Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Bring me that man meat
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
