I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
