U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
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