fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
