The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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