i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
