yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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