I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
