His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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