So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
