if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
