Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
