I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
