Need sex. Gaining weight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just pee around me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
