my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
