his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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